How to develop self confidence?

Developing self-confidence can be a very daunting thing and sometimes you may feel that you are not developing any social skills or interacting with others and feel lonely and isolated or like a wallflower.
The hardest thing is to believe that a magic wand can resolve the issues and that you will feel better overnight and have a load of friends knocking at your door, and actually think that things will get better and yet when things don’t change it knocks your confidence even more and reinforces those old feelings.

Confidence, self-confidence and self-belief cannot be faked to such an extent that people wouldn’t see through them, because ultimately confidence comes through knowledge and a belief in something, so for example if you are travelling to somewhere familiar you would be very confident about not only getting there but also being able to direct someone to the address or place.
Confidence can also be seen to be lacking if you don’t feel like you fit in. I remember on one occasion when I was staying in a plush hotel chain a man was pacing up and down the car park and looked very nervous. I approached him and asked if he was okay, he replied that he wasn’t sure or wasn’t really okay, so I asked him what was wrong, his reply was that he didn’t belong there because it was too posh and he wouldn’t really fit in, he was a delegate at the same exhibition that I was a delegate at and had booked into the hotel without really knowing what kind of establishment it was. I said that has a paying guest he had every right to be there and that the hotel staff are not bothered about what he looked like or how he was dressed. They would treat him as any other paying guest but I said that I would walk in with him and help him to get booked in.
This helped him to relax more and he visually became more confident and everything went well for him after that initial lack of confidence.

How then do we become more self-confident?
As I have just demonstrated self-confidence can stem through having a knowledge or being familiar with someone, somewhere or something. I myself lack confidence in certain situations and I remember on one occasion I had to attend a meeting in London early one Saturday morning and I was travelling by train, I got the name of the venue and I knew that I would be travelling to London Euston train station, I used Google maps and earth to help me find the venue and I spent several days studying the route that I would have to take.
I was okay on the train but the minute I got off the train, the first thing that you realise is the size of London Euston train station and also the number of people and different exits, my confidence had been dented by this and I felt truly lost. I ended up getting a taxi, we travelled round the corner and the taxi stopped outside the building, the shortest but most expensive taxi ride I had ever taken.

Set yourself goals – Goal setting is very much a challenge in its own right, partly because setting a goal seems really easy but actually you have to give it a great deal of thought and planning.
Goals should be SMART the acronym stands for:

Specific.
Measurable.
Achievable.
Realistic.
Timely.
What this suggests is that although if your goal is too easy then you are not really stretching yourself, if it is too difficult then you are stretching yourself without ever being able to accomplish your goal.
Take an easy goal you may decide to walk 100 yards, when you are physically fit and are used to walking this would not be a problem. You may normally walk miles each day so you could accomplish this 100 yards without any difficulty.
Let us then see an unrealistic goal – You may have a goal of owning an expensive car valued at over £100,000.00 pounds within a year and your annual income is £10,000.00 which has to cover your living expenses and everything else, therefore we can see that unless you win the lottery or something then you would not own the car by the end of the year.

In order to set a measurable goal you have to have a base measurement and an end goal, for example we are in October and I can currently do 5 press ups and my goal is that by Christmas I can do 10 press ups, therefore I need to build up my upper body strength and general fitness to such an extent that I can see and feel the difference in my body shape, I can also measure it because of the number of press ups that I can do in November and then in December, therefore it is measurable and it is also achievable if I put some effort into it, go to the gym and do strength training etc.

Celebrate your victories no matter how big or small – It may be something as simple as going to the corner shop to buy a newspaper. I think that this is a really easy thing to do but what if I had agoraphobia, a fear of the outdoors or a fear of moving away from familiar surroundings, how difficult would it be to do this physically or mentally, it would I imagine be very hard, your anxiety levels would increase, your heart would beat faster, therefore pumping blood running around your body faster, you may have sweaty palms or be very fidgety.
If you managed to walk through the front door and went out into the garden then you have stepped out of your comfort zone, you should record this because you have proven that you can do it once and therefore you could do it again.

You could join groups that can help you build up self-esteem and confidence by sharing experiences, ideas and being mutually supportive the other aspect is that people in groups who share the same experiences, problems and such are not likely to be judgmental because everyone is in the same position.

Gaining an understanding of yourself and your condition can help amazingly because having an insight into a condition can help you to look at coping strategies, it can help you by looking at how other people have got through their issues or difficulties.
Keeping promises to yourself and others help build confidence, if you keep your promises then this shows a level of understanding and commitment. It reinforces the fact that you can achieve things even when you may not feel like it, this may be something as simple as setting your alarm clock for a certain time and getting up or signing up for a gym membership.
Clothes and the way that you wear them can help build confidence, I used to wear suits all the time and these were often described as my coat of armour. By wearing certain clothes you may either fit in with the crowd or you may stand out from the crowd. An example of this is having something that stands out and makes you look different from the people around you, for example you may have your hair dyed an unusual colour or have your hair shaven and have a tattoo on your forehead or all over your body.
Salesmen have predominantly worn the same style of clothing usually suits and very conservative styles and colours, this could also be said of different religions.

Published by paulguisbournehiltonalifeworthgiving

I am a 56 years old male living for the last 5 years in Pembrokeshire West Wales in the UK. I have entitled this blog along with my Facebook page as A Life worth giving because when I was growing up I was taught that the only way to get on in life was to be selfish, not even sharing sweets, books, pens or anything. I moved into adulthood with very much the same view of life and entered in my teens a life of alcohol dependency, another very selfish trait, my drinking consumed every waking moment and I saw alcohol as both my best friend and worst enemy, the only real positive was that it never let me down. Life changed for me in 1997 in the month of April when I stopped drinking and started to awaken my feelings, I found that I actually enjoyed life, enjoyed feeling although it was hard and left me feeling vulnerable yet today I am at my happiest, in a very loving relationship and life is good. A life worth giving is about my journey through life but also about being selfless and serving others willingly and with an attitude of gratitude.

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