Hope the anchor verses Fear the weight.

Why is it that I call Hope an anchor and Fear as being a weight??
I believe that Hope gives us a reason to go on living and fear can be debilitating or crippling, fear can either also be very real or very imagined

I thought that I would include the image below because they are words and feelings that are pertinent to the title of this blog and status.
There are many things that people hope for but also many things that people fear and dependent upon your mindset will determine the outcome. I believe that hope is the one thing that can keep us alive and fear is the one thing that can destroy us and dash our dreams and desires.

Photo by Pixabay on Pexels.com

What is hope – I often think that Hope is really a dream or a desire to have a better future, a future that is so much different from your current situation, it may be a better paid job, better home life and relationship and family situation or it may just be the hope that the next day may be better than the day that you have just had.
Hope is our reason for living or at least it gives us something to cling on too.

Fear is either rational or irrational, we describe irrational fears as phobias, a fear of spiders for example is termed Arachnophobia – spiders are Arachnids in the animal world, generally they cannot harm you but some people go into a panic when they see one.
A rational fear may be the fear of going out after your home has been burgled, the belief is that if you leave the house unattended then you may be burgled once more.
Therefore our fears hold us back from reaching our fullest potential and can actually cripple us, they can also cause us to reach a point of no return. Fear of the unknown can cause a person to make many rash and totally irrational decisions which are or can be life threatening.
People have been known to take their own lives because they cannot see any light at the end of the tunnel, I know that in my last marriage I actually reached this stage towards the end and even though I tried I am so glad that I failed and I am still here to share my journey with others.

How then do the words Dream, Courage, Inspire and Harmony fit into this blog, I will explain it as I see it and although it may not be scientific, it works for me:
Dream – What is a dream, a dream is a vision of things being the way that you want them to be. You don’t enter a marriage with the thought and vision that it is going to go wrong and end in divorce. You think about the church being decked out in a wonderful array of colours, the service with lots of your friends and family in attendance all smiling and happy.
The perfect wedding dress, venue, ring and everything else and a lifetime of happiness, sharing and joy.

Therefore your dream is something to aspire to.

Courage – I always think of courage of standing up for what you believe in or taking a stand against those things that seem so unfair or unbalanced. It is having the heart to see things through to the end, there can be acts of courage even in the darkest of times, during world war 2 many people defied the Germans by saving Jews, Oskar Schindler was one of those people who saved over 1000 people from the death camps by having them work at his factories and even having them manufacture faulty weapons so that they could not be used. He wept because he ran out of money and didn’t have enough to do any more than he had done. He was imprisoned by the SS and risked death.
When the Titanic sank the bandsmen played as the ship went down without any thought for themselves, the last hymn that they are reported to have played was Nearer my God to thee. They could have tried to get on a boat but didn’t, a truly courageous act.
When I think of the word courage the thought that comes immediately into my mind is of someone who stands out from the norm, someone who defies convention and is driven by values.

Inspire – I truly believe that to be truly inspirational you have to have a degree of credibility or a very powerful, and persuasive message and way of communicating it to others.
After all it is more inspiring if someone has lived through the journey that you are embarking upon. Take life after a divorce, text books may tell us that we can rebuild our lives, meet someone new, start living again, enjoy life and be full of passion and energy, however we may not feel it but if you have someone telling you about their journey and how they have found happiness after a divorce doesn’t that give you more credibility.
Inspiration comes from many sources but a shared or mutual experience means a lot and carries a lot more weight.

Harmony – Harmony I believe comes into play when your heart and mind are in unison or when you are living true to your values. Inner turmoil which is in my view an opposite of harmony is where we are conflicted, it could be that we say that we value something as a quality and yet we may not be living by the absolute truth of it.
Harmony I think comes when the decisions that you make each and every day are in alignment with your core values and belief systems. Take the value of friendship if we say that we value friendships then we should make the time to nurture and nourish them, so if we have a friend ring us with a dilemma then we make some time for them, we may then after listening for a while ask them if you could ring them back or maybe meet up for a coffee but we are showing them that we value them. If we just put the phone down on them or appeared disinterested then we are going against our core belief and value.

In essence then and in summing up the reason that I say that Hope is the anchor is because it gives us something to hold onto and is part of our safety network. An anchor is used to hold a boat or a ship in position.
It allows us to do the same inasmuch as it gives us something to hold onto and steady our lives.
The reason that I say fear is the weight is because fear is immobilising, disabling and keeps us from reaching our true potential.
If you imagine carrying your own weight on your back or shoulders how difficult would it be to get through the day, I would imagine very difficult so imagine that weight was your fears, I can’t drive the car today I might have an accident, I had better not go on that foreign holiday the plane might crash or simply I can’t get out of bed today because I might have a bad day. Those thoughts are going to emotionally paralyse you.
I have written a few blogs now and I was frightened of the response that I might get, the fear of rejection, not being knowledgeable enough or good enough or not really knowing what to write, but as you face your fears and get through them your confidence grows.
Many of my friends know that I have a fear of snakes, I know totally irrational but it has come from somewhere, my partner’s son had a snake and we went to visit with him and his girlfriend one day. I didn’t feel worried the snake was in its tank with the lid on and then suddenly my partner’s son got the snake out and I froze, he asked his mum if she wanted to hold it and she did so I moved a little bit away from her and this really small corn snake and sort of went a bit clammy.
For some reason I suddenly found myself asking if I could hold the snake, What was I thinking had I gone totally nuts or something, but when I held it I felt that it was probably more scared of me than I was of it and I actually enjoyed the experience.

The most wonderful thing about fear though I have found in my experience is that fear can be a very powerful motivator and a catalyst for change.
If the fear of staying in your current situation is more frightening than the fear of the unknown then change is the only way forward.
I know because I have done it and I have been truly blessed and rescued by the woman that I love.

Published by paulguisbournehiltonalifeworthgiving

I am a 56 years old male living for the last 5 years in Pembrokeshire West Wales in the UK. I have entitled this blog along with my Facebook page as A Life worth giving because when I was growing up I was taught that the only way to get on in life was to be selfish, not even sharing sweets, books, pens or anything. I moved into adulthood with very much the same view of life and entered in my teens a life of alcohol dependency, another very selfish trait, my drinking consumed every waking moment and I saw alcohol as both my best friend and worst enemy, the only real positive was that it never let me down. Life changed for me in 1997 in the month of April when I stopped drinking and started to awaken my feelings, I found that I actually enjoyed life, enjoyed feeling although it was hard and left me feeling vulnerable yet today I am at my happiest, in a very loving relationship and life is good. A life worth giving is about my journey through life but also about being selfless and serving others willingly and with an attitude of gratitude.

27 thoughts on “Hope the anchor verses Fear the weight.

  1. Your thoughts on all of the above are very much inline with mine. Thank you for a great blog post. Lots of reminders in there for me regarding things that may have moved to the back of my brain, and needing bringing to the forefront again πŸ˜‰
    I smiled when you mentioned Arachnophobia, because it’s MY phobia. To an alarming degree! People don’t take me seriously when I say that’s what I am, and in an effort to tease me (not done with malicious intent at all), they will send me a funny pic with a spider in it. What they don’t know is that this sometimes leads to a cracked cell phone screen! πŸ˜› Yes, I am THAT bad. In fact, I can’t even look at a pic in a magazine, and I have to close my eyes in some movies. Funny thing is that the little ones don’t worry me at all. It’s usually my kids who yell for me in those cases, and I don’t have an issue. But we did have a horrible hairy monster in our shower a few years back, and then we all went screaming to the neighbour who had to come to our rescue πŸ˜‰
    While I absolutely agree that we need to try and see our fears as motivators to bring about change, I am not going to be holding or looking at large creepy spiders anytime soon! πŸ˜›

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    1. It is quite funny to read about your reaction to spiders because I am very much the same when it comes down to roller-coasters and I often end up behind the sofa.
      I think that in terms of warmth it is definitely better to have people relate to that than be cold and aloof.
      I think that it is finding that balance but also keeping yourself safe.
      In many respects I like to believe that people show respect to the opinions of others but then you learn that people will criticise you for being too honest and others will criticise you for being too cold and aloof.
      I think personally I would rather connect with someone who is warm than being cold and aloof.
      I remember one of my ex wives and when Kath and I make it down the aisle it will be wife number 5 for me.
      My 3rd wife always described me as being like a great white shark stealthily moving through the ocean with coldness and aloofness but I believe that I have changed massively.
      I think that life teaches you that you gain more respect and love shown to you by being warm and welcoming than being cold and aloof because people see you as being cold and calculated.
      I will of course share the engagement pictures with you and the wedding when it goes ahead and Kath is a very special lady and I am a very lucky man
      I look forward to seeing more of your posts and getting to know you better.
      My name is Paul by the way just in case you hadn’t guessed it
      Just sat here ready for the Rugby World Cup final between England and South Africa which I think will be a very close game.
      I would also like to say that you can really see your love for your children and you should be very proud of yourself as a mother and the example you have shown to your children and the love you have shown them.

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      1. Thank you for all the compliments πŸ™‚ I appreciate them, and your comments, very much.
        I’m Meg πŸ˜‰
        Yes… my country made it to the final… it’s going to be an interesting game for sure. Whether we (SA) win or lose though, at least we made it there to begin with πŸ™‚

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      2. Good morning Meg
        It’s a very close game but SA have just taken the lead once again but you are right they have done really well in getting to the final. 😊😊
        I find that people feel really strange about accepting complications and yet if they are genuine and given for a genuine reason they should be easy to accept but I think that society has changed somewhat. πŸ€”
        I was brought up by my Grandparents and my Grandfather in particular and when we were out he would always doff his trilby to the ladies and address people as sir or madam and be very respectful and I think that as I have got older and grown up πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚
        I find that people respect you more and value you and your opinions. I am not saying that you should compliment people if you are not being genuine, going back to shopping πŸ˜‚πŸ›οΈπŸ›οΈ why tell someone that they look good in an outfit when they clearly don’t no one benefits and you lose your credibility.
        Enjoy your Saturday and the weekend, stay safe and enjoy your time with your family 😊πŸ‘ͺ

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      3. I absolutely agree – a compliment and kindness costs you nothing. But a compliment and kindness that is not genuine is worthless.
        I think people find it difficult these days to accept compliments because they are often so freely given and sadly, are often not credible.
        Women have a tendency to bump into another women after a few months of ‘disconnection’, and the first thing out of their mouths is, “You’ve lost weight”. 8 times out of 10 this isn’t true and you both know it. πŸ˜›
        We had a great Saturday, thank you. Here’s hoping for a super Sunday for all of us πŸ˜‰

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      4. Good morning. Meg
        I totally agree with you about compliments and kindness and the effect of them especially if they are not genuine or just said because it is what someone thinks that the other person wants to hear.
        I hope that you accept the compliments that I offer to you as being genuine and heartfelt because I base them upon your writing and the character that I believe you to be and certainly I see your love for your children and your heritage and upon you as a person.
        I can certainly relate to a lot of what you have written and this is what I base my compliments upon.
        You made me smile in your reply about meeting with a friend after a while because I had a very similar experience last year in Manchester when I was visiting with my family and I went into a traditional tailors shop that sold suits and I wanted to buy 1. The salesman was quite smarmy πŸ˜‚ and I told him what size jacket I needed which I shamefully have to admit was a 52 to 54 inch jacket, he said that I was a 48 and he kept insisting on it and when I tried 1 on just to keep him quiet and guess what I was right and I left the shop without buying anything 🀣🀣
        I too hope that you have a wonderful and fun filled Sunday and I am so grateful for a divorce coach who I was talking with recently because she encouraged me to do some blogging and this has in turn given me the opportunity to meet and connect with you and I am grateful for the fact that we have made a connection and I hope that this develops into a positive and sincere and mutually supportive friendship. 😊😊
        I hope that you have a wonderful and fun filled Sunday with your family πŸ˜ŠπŸ˜ŠπŸ‘©β€πŸ‘§β€πŸ‘¦

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      5. I CAn see where your compliments are coming from, and I am very grateful for them. A little encouragement goes a long way! πŸ™‚
        I can never quite understand why sales people want us to wear ill fitted garments. I know a sale is a sale, but it’s a NO SALE if I look and feel awful too – so I am with you there! πŸ˜‰
        Hope you had a super Sunday πŸ™‚

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      6. I had an okay one I was at church yesterday it is now 6.10am on Monday morning but the church I have been going to is very clicky and I often feel like the outsider looking in.
        Kath has been away for the weekend and because I couldn’t go due to commitments and the weather has been pretty awful I haven’t really been out much so social media the crux comes into play lol.
        I had a really strange one on Instagram though A female US Army Major on a peacekeeping mission in Afghanistan starts following me and sends me a message, what do you look for in a woman type of thing, my reply was the woman that I am with.
        Next its you look handsome well I took that one cos I thought that she must have good eyesight and it is something that we both have in common because I think that I am handsome lol.
        Then I am in love with you by now it is getting really creepy and then the point that she got blocked was just after when she said that she wanted me to help her get her dads trust fund money which has been left sitting in a bank for 20 years with an annuity of $150,000.00 a year and all that I had to do was write to the bank.
        I CAN SEE THEM GIVING OVER A MILLION DOLLARS WITHOUT ANYTHING BUT A LETTER.
        What do you think???

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      7. Those scams are all over the place. I get them regularly. And I just ignore them. In fact, any messages on my ‘more private accounts’, like Twitter and Facebook, I pretty much ignore if I don’t know you personally. And even then, I am wary if it has anything to do with money. It’s just a case of knowing and setting limitations for yourself. And while it is great to make new friends, we need to be careful where they find us πŸ˜‰

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      8. Definitely but I think again it comes down to that need to be liked or accepted but when they ask for money then like you said just ignore and block.
        i think on my Facebook and Fitbit accounts I have probably got more people blocked than I have friends but that’s okay by me.
        I don’t know what time it is in South Africa but I hope that you have a wonderful and productive day.

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      9. I know but I wonder whether because we connect on social media whether we set our expectations too high.
        I also wonder whether psychologically that’s a long word for Monday morning πŸ˜…πŸ˜… too much β˜•β˜• me thinks whether we invest more into it rather than you would say having a coffee with your friends πŸ€”πŸ˜Š

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      10. I think that online we have more time to be thoughtful. Coffee with friends requires immediate conversation, whereas online communication gives us a chance to pause and reflect, and re-say what we want to get across. My friends often tease me because while I am great with prepared speeches and writing, I have my moments where ‘in the moment’ I struggle to find the right words πŸ˜› πŸ˜‰

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      11. I have those moments to I just call them my blond moments.
        I think that online though can be difficult because of the choices of words and emojis for example but also how the person who is receiving the communication reads it, because you don’t see the persons body language or facial expressions and auto correct is a real pain.
        I think though that if something works for you then why change it. 😊😊

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      12. Yes…words sometimes seem a bit dead online – the inflections in my voice are missing. The lack of all the things you listed above, and often the misinterpretation, can lead to disaster. But all in all, my online experience has been relatively good – better than my blonde moments, at least πŸ˜› πŸ˜‰

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      13. I have to agree although I have had some blond moments with the Internet as well but I have something to be thankful for and that is that because a contact of mine suggested that I should do some blogging I have had the opportunity and pleasure of talking with you 😊😊

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      14. They that is the South African team played really well and with passion and pride and the players were a credit to the country.
        I remember once not being a fan of football but having to attend Manchester City games because the company I worked for sponsored them and I was expected to attend matches.
        On 1 occasion I attended a game and the Manchester City team lost by a significant amount. Both the club chairman and the manager went into the dressing room and said to the players that they would be happy to get rid of the team and start again with players who wanted to play for the team and with pride..
        This was how I felt yesterday about the England team they seemed to be happy to know that they have collected their salaries. πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚

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      15. You know what was the most strangely coincidental thing about the SA game? The two jersey numbers that scored the tries…..
        The two men who wore those numbers with pride previously and were both in our SA team when the cup was won previously? Those two men passed away this year. And the players in their numbered jerseys are the two players who scored our tries!!!!!!!!!!! Goosebumps! πŸ™‚

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      16. Definitely goosebumps!! The whole SA team played with a great deal of pride though and I hadn’t noticed it but a friend of mine at church yesterday said that the England team didn’t even put their medals on, this is an absolute disgrace especially when you consider how heavy Japan are on etiquette.
        Enjoy your Monday

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      17. There was only one member who refused to have his put on, from what I saw. The others allowed theirs to be put on, but took them off as they were walking away. I was very disappointed in their display of disrespect and absolutely horrific sportsmanship! It made me sad!

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      18. I totally agree with you, yes they may have been disappointed but in any aspect of life especially in competition you cannot expect to win every game and you have to take the rough with the smooth, and after all they call themselves sportsmen and get paid for doing the job so they should act like them.

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