This last year has been really difficult for many people including myself with concerns around Covid 19, other health concerns, family issues and relationship issues and I have to admit that I let myself down very badly.
I allowed myself to become embroiled in the personal lives of some people and it cost me dearly in many different ways, my personal integrity was questioned by no one moreso than myself, my relationship with Kath which had lasted since 2014 and after we got engaged in the New Year of 2020 came to an abrupt end when I was accused of having an affair with someone in March 2020, I strenuously deny having an affair but I know that I allowed myself to be carried away by infatuation and manipulation.
I have experienced several lapses with alcohol in 2020 finding myself drinking Gin and Tonics over lunch followed by Jack Daniels and Coke, a drink that I had never tried before so there we go starting from day 1, drawing upon strength and knowledge and the recognition that life is better when you can think straight and you have a clear head, its not such a good luck when a friend says that after a couple of drinks you can hardly stand up and walk straight.
When Kath left me I was devastated, however we have managed to remain friends after a very tricky start, today we have both moved on and I know that I feel really happy and upbeat about my future although times can be tough.
OPPORTUNITIES THROUGH ADVERSITY
When you consider that life isn’t a bed of Roses most of the time, I think though that it is really important to consider that opportunities present themselves not just when things are going well but also when times are tough.
This occurred to me not in thought but actually in reality, I needed to cut myself off from some very toxic people who were affecting my life, earlier this year my Uncle was in hospital and we all knew and accepted that he was dying, unfortunately the hospital would not allow him to come home unless I returned to the home that I spent my teenage years in and help with his care, I readily agreed however I knew that I could not stay indefinitely so I originally came here for 10 days, unfortunately my Uncle ended up back in hospital and fought each and every day to come home to die, again it was agreed upon that I should stay however this time it was indefinitely, I readily agreed and my Uncle came home when I arrived, he lost his battle for life in April this year dying at home as he wished with myself and my Aunt present.
Emotionally I was drained and took the opportunity of travelling home for a week or so before the funeral and everything was already arranged.
After the funeral I returned home and a couple of days later was broken into and my personal possessions were stolen, the police have just closed the case having found no one, I was extremely bitter and angry but got through it although my stress and anxiety levels are raised and I don’t like being away from home for very long now..
What these events have left me thinking is that life is too short and that I have to get things moving if I want my life to improve, the first thing that has happened is that I have painted my home and bought some new items, all have been picked by me A FIRST…..
I have started to look for somewhere new to live and am looking to kickstart my life once more …..
I have avoided and cut out of my life the negative people, the trials and the stresses, avoided alcohol and have a very select group of people around me.
LIFE HAS I KNOW IT IS DEFINITELY IMPROVING.
Some of my family photos, many of these haven’t seen the light of day in many years.