Mid Life Crisis

Have you ever done something out of the ordinary?
Have you ever thought about behaviour changes?
Have you ever felt unfulfilled with life?

I think that most of us can answer yes to one or all 3 of these questions, sometimes life can become stale, secure, we can take things for granted, we can wish for better things, we can ……………
Overall this doesn’t necessarily mean that life is bad all round, it may be just one aspect of it that may need tweaking, change is a frightening thing.
I was 55 years of age, settled within a 5 year relationship, living on the Pembrokeshire coast of West Wales, a comfortable home and lifestyle, playing pool on a Thursday night at our local pub, going out for dinner quite regularly with no drama at all, then I get carried away and develop a friendship with my landlords daughter, relapse and spiral out of control, I couldn’t seem to break free of this captivation and excitement that had come into my life.

I decided to undertake 3 things for my 55th birthday in July, I am a Leo so quite the exhibitionist, very sure of myself and overly confident at least on the outside, internally I struggle with many aspects of life, low self-esteem, vulnerabilities and insecurity, I consider myself a people pleaser although I am happy to take the lead in aspects of life that I have confidence and experience of, so what did I decide I wanted for my birthday??
Having spoken with my partner I wanted only 3 things which were really out of the ordinary for me,
1) I wanted a spray tan – yes a spray tan – Kath said that it was because I was attracted to the woman who owned the beauty parlour, she did nails, brows, massages as well as spray tans, I just wanted to feel better about myself or so I thought.

2) I volunteered for a community transport organisation, they had an idea of doing a marketing campaign and 1 of the ideas was to have a person in a full morphing suit, a bodysuit which gave the impression of a silhouette and yes you guessed it I volunteered to do it… It never happened but it caused my ex to laugh quite hysterically.

3) A tattoo … I have never really thought about having a tattoo, my Grandfather had a tattoo of the last supper on his back, it was really impressive but I guess that it must have hurt. I have nothing personally against tattoos but I have never thought of having 1, anyway June 2019, 3 – 4 weeks before my 55th birthday I was in a tattoo parlour having 2 tattoos done, the first was a declaration of my love for Kath, a Genies lamp with a heart coming out in the smoke
The 2nd tattoo that I wanted was the principle that I have lived my life by, “I did it my way”, however when I thought deeply about it, although I have lived my life to its fullest and yes I really have done things My Way, I am also quite a religious person, I went to church from a very early age, religion has played a big part in my life and I was once an alter boy, well really I was a young man aged 16.
I ended up having a verse tattooed upon my arm Your Love, O Lord, supported me Psalms 94v18, the full verse reads, When I stumbled, Your unconditional Love, O Lord, supported me.
My experiences in life have taught me that you can’t do things on your own and sometimes you need the help of someone who isn’t a personage but a heavenly being and certainly I have no shame in admitting that I believe in God, in his love for me, in his guiding hand and I am grateful that he hears and answers prayers.

Published by paulguisbournehiltonalifeworthgiving

I am a 56 years old male living for the last 5 years in Pembrokeshire West Wales in the UK. I have entitled this blog along with my Facebook page as A Life worth giving because when I was growing up I was taught that the only way to get on in life was to be selfish, not even sharing sweets, books, pens or anything. I moved into adulthood with very much the same view of life and entered in my teens a life of alcohol dependency, another very selfish trait, my drinking consumed every waking moment and I saw alcohol as both my best friend and worst enemy, the only real positive was that it never let me down. Life changed for me in 1997 in the month of April when I stopped drinking and started to awaken my feelings, I found that I actually enjoyed life, enjoyed feeling although it was hard and left me feeling vulnerable yet today I am at my happiest, in a very loving relationship and life is good. A life worth giving is about my journey through life but also about being selfless and serving others willingly and with an attitude of gratitude.

3 thoughts on “Mid Life Crisis

  1. Encouraging post. I am 75 and just made my first quilt. I am not a sewer or even like to sew. But there were still quilting groups going on despite the shut down then. Why is because I like people and need to be around them. My sweet husband is a introvert and he says my company is enough for him. I loved him for 57 years but often I need others. The ladies at the quilting gathering are loving helping me learn and I am loving being around them. You are a brave soul to venture into a tattoo. I have my then boyfriends nickname tattooed on my arm at 16, I will admit I was a little drunk to do it for I knew I would be in trouble with parents. At around 24 I got it taken off, no big reason, was tired of it I guess, not tired of him, I married him. I have not regretted having it taken off but my grand children use me as a reason to get one, you know the old, well Grandma had one. Our son has been getting them since he was a teen and just recently got a job that he has to wear long sleeves because of them. I can’t think of anything better than getting the principals of your life put on. I would put, Life is in Christ if I were to do now. For He has been my life since 35 and never ever let me down. I enjoyed your post, will be back for another visit.

    Liked by 2 people

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