Have you ever done something out of the ordinary?
Have you ever thought about behaviour changes?
Have you ever felt unfulfilled with life?
I think that most of us can answer yes to one or all 3 of these questions, sometimes life can become stale, secure, we can take things for granted, we can wish for better things, we can ……………
Overall this doesn’t necessarily mean that life is bad all round, it may be just one aspect of it that may need tweaking, change is a frightening thing.
I was 55 years of age, settled within a 5 year relationship, living on the Pembrokeshire coast of West Wales, a comfortable home and lifestyle, playing pool on a Thursday night at our local pub, going out for dinner quite regularly with no drama at all, then I get carried away and develop a friendship with my landlords daughter, relapse and spiral out of control, I couldn’t seem to break free of this captivation and excitement that had come into my life.
I decided to undertake 3 things for my 55th birthday in July, I am a Leo so quite the exhibitionist, very sure of myself and overly confident at least on the outside, internally I struggle with many aspects of life, low self-esteem, vulnerabilities and insecurity, I consider myself a people pleaser although I am happy to take the lead in aspects of life that I have confidence and experience of, so what did I decide I wanted for my birthday??
Having spoken with my partner I wanted only 3 things which were really out of the ordinary for me,
1) I wanted a spray tan – yes a spray tan – Kath said that it was because I was attracted to the woman who owned the beauty parlour, she did nails, brows, massages as well as spray tans, I just wanted to feel better about myself or so I thought.
2) I volunteered for a community transport organisation, they had an idea of doing a marketing campaign and 1 of the ideas was to have a person in a full morphing suit, a bodysuit which gave the impression of a silhouette and yes you guessed it I volunteered to do it… It never happened but it caused my ex to laugh quite hysterically.
3) A tattoo … I have never really thought about having a tattoo, my Grandfather had a tattoo of the last supper on his back, it was really impressive but I guess that it must have hurt. I have nothing personally against tattoos but I have never thought of having 1, anyway June 2019, 3 – 4 weeks before my 55th birthday I was in a tattoo parlour having 2 tattoos done, the first was a declaration of my love for Kath, a Genies lamp with a heart coming out in the smoke
The 2nd tattoo that I wanted was the principle that I have lived my life by, “I did it my way”, however when I thought deeply about it, although I have lived my life to its fullest and yes I really have done things My Way, I am also quite a religious person, I went to church from a very early age, religion has played a big part in my life and I was once an alter boy, well really I was a young man aged 16.
I ended up having a verse tattooed upon my arm Your Love, O Lord, supported me Psalms 94v18, the full verse reads, When I stumbled, Your unconditional Love, O Lord, supported me.
My experiences in life have taught me that you can’t do things on your own and sometimes you need the help of someone who isn’t a personage but a heavenly being and certainly I have no shame in admitting that I believe in God, in his love for me, in his guiding hand and I am grateful that he hears and answers prayers.